V for Vegetarian

"Let's Talk About Sex Baby.."

2006-05-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

Constitutional lessons regarding SEX:

- A normal, healthy, human interest in sex is okay, but not a morbid or obsessive preoccupation with sex is not (sorry boys)

- Pornography possessed in the home cannot be punished, because it invades privacy and punishes thought. But one man’s right to possess pornography in his home does not create a right of another man to distribute it to him (don’t share!)

- Pornography involving children is illegal. But having adults (ie barely legal girls) pose as children is okay (ew)

My love affair...with food

2006-05-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

It's long been settled that I am going to die from either 1) obesity or 2) some other sort of health complication that develops from eating too much. The fact that I use finals as an excuse to gorge on delicious artery clogging food probably doesn't help. The problem is that nothing makes me as happy as food does, NOTHING.

On that note, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that I LOVE pupusas!!! LOVE. I love them so much that I've had them three times this week. If you ignore the extra pounds that I've added on, what's not to like? 1) It's cheap 2) It's filling 3) It's yummy.

I encourage you to hit up your nearest Salvadorean restaurant and order some pupusas with a side of platanos fritos and a nice tall glass of horchata*....yum!

* Apparently Mexican horchata is different than Salvadorean horchata...any thoughts?

Mixing it up a bit...

2006-05-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

I should have paid more attention to chemistry in high school. But because I took zero period chem, I naturally slept through most of it. If only Mr. Bender had told me that the info could actually be useful...

Two Parts Vodka, a Twist of Science

A few questions and thoughts:
1) How does one become the director of cocktail development? Is a JD useful in the profession?
2) I'm so glad they came up with soda flavored Pop Rocks...now I will be able to enjoy their union without exploding
3) Will this make the bartending championships on Food Network Challenge (which I watch with such enthusiasm) more explosive?
4) Where can a girl get a liquid nitrogen cocktail?

On Injunctions

2006-05-08T16:09:00.000-07:00

Lesson of the Day: A court will not issue an injunction to enjoin a cheating spouse from engaging in acts of infidelity.

Give your mom something to brag about

2006-05-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

Newsweek just came out with their annual "America's Best High Schools" list. As I expected, many of the local schools surrounding the area where I grew up were listed.

My high school did not make the list...BUT only because it's in a league of it's own: The PUBLIC ELITES list...oooohh ahh. School's make it to this hyped up list because "so many of their students score well above average on the SAT and ACT." It's no surprise when the parents pump thousands of dollars into SAT prep academies, after school classes, etc to boost their children's chances of getting into a top notch university. Not to mention the parents' contribution to already outrageously priced real estate surrounding these prized schools that keeps all the rift raft out.

So where does your school fall? Does your mom have anything to brag about at the next dinner party?

(Thanks Y, for the tip)

The truth is...I'm LAZY

2006-05-03T01:03:00.000-07:00

This is me (with fair wheatish skin)

This is an article about my laziness.

I'm tired...gnite

May the force be with you...

2006-05-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

The number of marchers taking the streets today is amazing. Although the impact of "A Day Without Immigrants" is yet to be determined, the movement itself is truly inspirational.

You may not have marched, boycotted, or worn white today, but I ask that you please educate yourself about the immigration policies of the good ol' US of A. Every major newspaper in the country is covering today's events. Read some articles and investigate.

America has always been a country of immigrants, let's keep it that way. Support immigration reform!

"Wouldn't it be cool to have drunk babies here?"

2006-04-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

In honor of this weekend's Beer Festival, I give you Beer Spas.

Yummy and intoxicating.

Please note that beer is good for babies too. Skeptical? Just take a look at the young lad sitting contently in the beer barrel with his dad (He is a representative of one of the many babies we graciously supported this weekend).

Disclaimer: While I do not advocate giving babies alcohol, a friend who shares the same name (masculine form) with me, thinks it would be cool to have drunken babies around. Thanks gods he does not have any children. Nevertheless, it is in his honor that I title this post.

...I HATE you, you stink!!!

2006-04-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Somethings haven't changed since third grade...

Homework! Oh, Homework!
I hate you! You stink!
I wish I could wash you away in the sink,
if only a bomb
would explode you to bits.
Homework! Oh, homework!
You're giving me fits.

I'd rather take baths
with a man-eating shark,
or wrestle a lion
alone in the dark,
eat spinach and liver,
pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework,
my teacher assigns.

Homework! Oh, homework!
you're last on my list,
I simply can't see
why you even exist,
if you just disappeared
it would tickle me pink.
Homework! Oh, homework!
I hate you! You stink!

"Homework, Oh Homework" Jack Prelutsky

Opal Mehta is NOT a Gujarati name

2006-04-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

Kaavya, are you really so stupid?

First, Opal Mehta is NOT a Gujarati name.**

Second, I know college students often borrow or re-write the words of those that are much smarter than them. I know this one girl who has often been there (at 2:30 in the morning when her paper was due at 8 AM) ...BUT if you publishing a super hyped up book, would you really be so stupid? Did you really think no one would notice?

Kav, I was looking forward to your book. I thought I would get to use the excuse of "supporting a young South Asian author" to finally indulge in my teeny-booper girlish fantasies. I might have even taken a night off from Bollywood films to watch your movie. So much for that...

I guess I'm the stupid one. Afterall, not all of us are smart enough to get into Hah-vad...

** Pi Patel is another stupid name...Afterall, what Tamilian kid's last name is Patel?

April 24, 1915...Never again

2006-04-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

Whether you are Armenian or not, it is important that you know and understand the importance of today.

April 24th is commemorated worldwide by Armenians as Genocide Memorial Day.

For those of you who do not know, the Armenian Genocide was carried out during W.W.I. between the years 1915 and 1918. The Ottoman Empire plotted the mass-evacuation and extermination of Armenians from Western Turkey and Eastern Armenia and executed these plans without disdain. The Armenian people were subjected to deportation, expropriation, abduction, torture, massacre, and starvation. The great bulk of the Armenian population was forcibly removed from Armenia and Anatolia to Syria, where the vast majority were sent into the desert to die of thirst and hunger. Large numbers of Armenians were methodically massacred throughout the Ottoman Empire. Women and children were abducted and horribly abused. The entire wealth of the Armenian people was expropriated.

1.5 million Armenians were murdered.

It is very important that we all remember this day and NEVER allow something like this to happen again...

"It was not war. It was most certainly massacre and genocide, something the world must remember... We will always reject any attempt to erase its record, even for some political advantage."
-Israeli Deputy Foreign Minister. April 27, 1994 on the floor of the Knesset in response to a TV interview of the Turkish Ambassador

"Like the genocide of the Armenians before it, and the genocide of the Cambodians which followed it, . . . the lessons of the Holocaust must never be forgotten."
-President Ronald Reagan; April 22, 1981, proclamation

"Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?"
-Adolf Hitler, while persuading his associates that a Jewish holocaust would be tolerated by the west

(Thank you Tenny for the reminder)

Sweeter than Ben & Jerry's?

2006-04-24T15:32:00.000-07:00

FREE CONE DAY: Tuesday, April 25. 2006. Yum Yum.

Get some action from the two guys who NEVER disappoint!!!

2:28:41

2006-04-23T17:42:00.000-07:00

I deserve a round of applause. Today I swallowed live bugs (so much for being vegetarian), ran through a farm, stepped in horse poop, and finished my first half marathon! Not to mention, I made friends along the way and eavesdropped on a handful of interesting conversations, my favorites ones being: 1) "Do competitive marathon runners stop to take a leak? They probably just piss on themselves and keep going" 2) "My wife is a butt nurse. She finds interesting things in people's butts like Japanese eggplant and Aunt Jemima syrup bottles."

All in all a fun day and a beautiful run.

Side note: Marathon actually died running a marathon. Thank gods I haven't tried that yet.

On Stupidity

2006-04-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."

Mark Twain

Smoke two joints in the morning...

2006-04-20T13:13:00.000-07:00

Happy 420!!!

In hopes of not jeopardizing my future as an attorney, I cannot share any anecdotes regarding this topic (i.e. one involving Sweta, me, a Rastafarian, and a Black Eye Peas concert).

Since I have been studying Equal Protection all day, I leave you with this quote from everyone's favorite news reporter:

"...Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotes, because really, who's gonna wanna work?" Jon Stewart

Off the Hookah

2006-04-19T15:44:00.000-07:00

Today I was reminded that I haven't been doing my part in building a peaceful and diverse community: Smoking hookah

"Hookah cafes are an important cultural experience, a place where Muslims and Jews and Catholics and people of color can sit side by side, and share." NY Times article "Collegians Smoking Hookahs...Filled with Tobacco"

Guess, I'll have to start re-living some of my college days :)

What you gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans?

2006-04-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

No vulgar clothing? No jeans? No alcohol? What's a Gujarati girl to do?

Thank gods I don't live in New Joysee...

These silly matrimonial conventions make me laugh. Especially when parents think their children will find a nice "cultured" mate there. When I was 15, I tagged along with my cousins to such an event in Myrtle Beach (ironically a big spring break hot spot that the same parents would disapprove of sending their children to). After a long night of partying, a security guard stopped me on the way to the elevator. He asked me to tell my "friends" (aka fellow brown people) to get a room and continue their activities there. Imagine the look of shock on my innocent face when the elevator door opened and I find out that a) Indian people DO have premarital sex and b) some people like to DO IT in elevators.

That's culture for you.

Why it's so hard for me to find a husband

2006-04-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

Boys just wanna have fun

Texas' finest

2006-04-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

Big Boy gets deposed. Another reason why the legal profession is so amusing.

Joe Jamail, the infamous TX lawyer in the video, once told an examining lawyer that he could 'gag a maggot off a meat wagon.' Yummy....

Thank gods I'm not taking the TX bar.

Thanks, but no thanks

2006-04-12T16:23:00.000-07:00

I have two dreams:

1. being a contestant on Jeopardy (how original)
2. being invited to the Google party at the World Economic Forum (hey if Bradgelina, Bono, and Bill can go, so can I)

But awhile ago I was reading the Economist and came accross a disappointing excerpt about the biggest bash of the year...

"SERVING fine wines to chief executives and global leaders too drunk to appreciate it made Google's party the talk of last month's World Economic Forum in Davos. Its generosity with 1959 clarets and 1990 Krug champagne seemed, at the time, only to confirm the firm's greatness. Yet, three weeks on, Google's pristine reputation has been damaged by its willingness to collaborate with the Chinese government's censorship requirements, its shares have tumbled, and the Davos party is in danger of resembling the Great Gatsby's glorious last hurrah.… "Google goes Gurgle Feb 16th 2006

Eric and Sergey's last hurrah? Sigh. Not lobbying to change the country's censorship laws? Poo on you.

Apparently, Mr.Schmidt thinks "it's arrogant for us to walk into a country where we are just beginning operations and tell that country how to run itself". But hey, it's ok to work with an oppressive government to pocket billions. AND so dearest Google, to save you the hassle of inviting me to your party next year, I say thanks, but no thanks. I didn't want to drink two buck chuck anyways...

Drink for the Children

2006-04-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

Some of you work a little too hard. You work a billion hours a week, have to turn in TPS reports, and people steal your red stapler. I know it can get annoying. So, RELAX, have a BEER or two or ten.

The San Francisco International Beer Fest is coming our way on April 29th! Admission includes UNLIMITED BEER tastings, FOOD, entertainment, and a fantastic raffle (to Norway, yay!). ALL proceeds from the beer fest go to a local children's nursery school.

I am going, and so should you. In fact, bring that new chick from Logistics. If things go right you might be showing her your O-face. SO..stop drinking to get fat and start drinking for the children!

PS. For those of you who are watching your figure on April 30th, there is a 2 and 5 mile run in Golden Gate Park to support a SF middle school. www.muffysrun.org

On Fear...and liberation

2006-04-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous

Actually, who are you not to be?

You’re playing small doesn’t save the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others

Nelson Mandela

World's Sexiest Vegetarian

2006-04-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

...No, it's not me (sigh).

Apparently some B list country music star (Carrie Underwood) won the race by a landslide against this avid email checker/gelato connoisseur...

In addition to being the world's most beautiful vegetarian, Ms. Underwood has lately been sporting a "V for Vegetarian" t-shirt. Moreover, it has fueled the online sale of various products (i.e. this "thong, thong, thong, thong").

And so, in honor of this blog, I think I will buy a pair. Perhaps it will raise my sex appeal for next year's race....

How successful are you?

2006-04-09T22:07:00.000-07:00

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

How successful are you?

Why I love the law

2006-04-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

I often sit in the library wondering why the hell I'm in law school. Apart from the amusing characters in class and the overachivers I love to hate on, there is nothing really entertaining about law school. I mean ALL I do hour after hour, day after day is read cases...

BUT, last week I came across a footnote to a random case from the 7th Circuit, and honestly it reaffirmed my love for the law. AND it reminded me of the fact that although I may not be a stellar student, at least I am well rounded and would never mix up my garden tools with cracked up whores...

United States v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857 (7th Cir. 2005)

"On the evening of May 29, 2003, Hayden was smoking crack with three other folks at a trailer park home on Chain of Rocks Road in Granite City, Illinois. Murphy, Sr., who had sold drugs to Hayden several years earlier, showed up later that night. He was friendly at first, but he soon called Hayden a "snitch bitch hoe" (n1) and hit her in the head with the back of his hand. He said he saw her name in discovery materials from his son's criminal case and that she was responsible for putting him in jail..."

(n1) The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch "hoe." A "hoe," of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing "hoe" to "ho," a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps "You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies."

Jumping on the Blog Bandwagon...

2006-04-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

There is no reason for me to create a blog...dont have anything amusing or of interest to say. BUT a blog is a great way to waste time...and so, I leave you with some potty humor.

Q: What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea ?

A: Salad Shooter :)